AndyPants
I washed my last contact lens down the shower over a week ago, so I’ve been wearing my glasses since. I have always hated wearing glasses because they get in the way. I’m a “let me see it” kind of guy (which makes it VERY odd that I wound up in a job where I spend most of my time coding… another day for that story) so typically having these things stuck on my nose in front of my eyes is just a big distraction. Typically. Lately, not so much. My beard - bushy bushy these days. For some reason I like it. My hair - normally in a mohawk has been fairly flat for the past week or so. Partly from lack of product, partly from me just not feeling into the big hair thing. Have I suddenly grown up a little bit? Perhaps. I’m getting to a point where I’m looking at what I do compared to what I present. And I’ve spent a lot of time on how I look at my hair and my weight and the perfect profile picture and all that… and while it’s all fine and dandy… I’m trying to focus more on the “what I do” part. For the most part I would say I don’t do much. I’m kind of bored. It’s not that I’m not busy. I’m very busy… but that’s just it, it’s busy work. Some of it keeps the house form falling down, some of it keeps money flowing into my wallet… but mostly, I just feel busy. With busy, is worn out. With worn out, is unavailable. With unavailable, is unfulfilled. With unfulfilled, is unhappy. And unhappy is, well, unhappy. This past weekend I got a taste of several things that have been missing from my life lately: 1.) Friendship. True, honest-to-goodness friendship Okay I should speak to that first - because many of my friends read this and you guys are going to read that and get pissed off and say “But I’m a true honest-to-goodness friend, aren’t I??” and yes, most definitely you are. I am thankful for all the many, many wonderful friends in my life - and I love you each dearly. Now the explanation. As I mentioned earlier busy = worn out = unavailable. Key word there, unavailable. I’ve been so busy that even when I’m NOT busy, I have still been unavailable. Unavailable to my partner, my family, my friends. Unavailable in the sense that I may be spending time with you, but my brain is elsewhere. This weekend I made a very conscious choice to put everything aside and spend time with a few friends, and I made a very conscious decision to be open and available to them - and amazing things happened. I drew closer to all of them. I was spending time with one friend in particular and suddenly found myself saying out loud to him “wow, you are a good friend. thanks.” It might sound awkward and perhaps even a bit cliche, but I really got in that moment how thankful I was (and am) to have him as a friend. And I had similar “aha” moments with several other friends this weekend. Okay I know I’m rambling and have several points going at once here. I’m sorry, I can’t always been perfectly poignant. I’ll make an attempt to wrap this all together at some point, I promise… 2.) I became the most open and available to my friends when I allowed myself to be open, honest, and true to MYSELF (do you see the circle-back coming yet?) 3.) I became more comfortable with myself when I allowed myself to do the things I LOVE to do - singing, cooking, relaxing and being quiet. 4.) I became less fearful when I stopped worrying about what my friends and the people around me would think and just let me be me, and them be them. Okay so this is getting a little lesson-ey and I’m sorry. I’m just trying to use this blog to capture my evolution from whatever I am to whatever I evolve to. I think I have indeed grown up a little bit. I think the beard and the glasses might have had a part in that - when you look more grown up, perhaps you act more grown up? Either way I’m going to say I like it. I don’t mind it. As long as it’s making me happier in the long run, I’m all for it. What do you think?

I washed my last contact lens down the shower over a week ago, so I’ve been wearing my glasses since. I have always hated wearing glasses because they get in the way. I’m a “let me see it” kind of guy (which makes it VERY odd that I wound up in a job where I spend most of my time coding… another day for that story) so typically having these things stuck on my nose in front of my eyes is just a big distraction. Typically.

Lately, not so much.

My beard - bushy bushy these days. For some reason I like it.

My hair - normally in a mohawk has been fairly flat for the past week or so. Partly from lack of product, partly from me just not feeling into the big hair thing.

Have I suddenly grown up a little bit? Perhaps.

I’m getting to a point where I’m looking at what I do compared to what I present. And I’ve spent a lot of time on how I look at my hair and my weight and the perfect profile picture and all that… and while it’s all fine and dandy… I’m trying to focus more on the “what I do” part.

For the most part I would say I don’t do much. I’m kind of bored. It’s not that I’m not busy. I’m very busy… but that’s just it, it’s busy work. Some of it keeps the house form falling down, some of it keeps money flowing into my wallet… but mostly, I just feel busy. With busy, is worn out. With worn out, is unavailable. With unavailable, is unfulfilled. With unfulfilled, is unhappy. And unhappy is, well, unhappy.

This past weekend I got a taste of several things that have been missing from my life lately:

1.) Friendship. True, honest-to-goodness friendship

Okay I should speak to that first - because many of my friends read this and you guys are going to read that and get pissed off and say “But I’m a true honest-to-goodness friend, aren’t I??” and yes, most definitely you are. I am thankful for all the many, many wonderful friends in my life - and I love you each dearly.

Now the explanation. As I mentioned earlier busy = worn out = unavailable. Key word there, unavailable. I’ve been so busy that even when I’m NOT busy, I have still been unavailable. Unavailable to my partner, my family, my friends. Unavailable in the sense that I may be spending time with you, but my brain is elsewhere.

This weekend I made a very conscious choice to put everything aside and spend time with a few friends, and I made a very conscious decision to be open and available to them - and amazing things happened. I drew closer to all of them. I was spending time with one friend in particular and suddenly found myself saying out loud to him “wow, you are a good friend. thanks.”

It might sound awkward and perhaps even a bit cliche, but I really got in that moment how thankful I was (and am) to have him as a friend. And I had similar “aha” moments with several other friends this weekend.

Okay I know I’m rambling and have several points going at once here. I’m sorry, I can’t always been perfectly poignant. I’ll make an attempt to wrap this all together at some point, I promise…

2.) I became the most open and available to my friends when I allowed myself to be open, honest, and true to MYSELF (do you see the circle-back coming yet?)

3.) I became more comfortable with myself when I allowed myself to do the things I LOVE to do - singing, cooking, relaxing and being quiet.

4.) I became less fearful when I stopped worrying about what my friends and the people around me would think and just let me be me, and them be them.

Okay so this is getting a little lesson-ey and I’m sorry. I’m just trying to use this blog to capture my evolution from whatever I am to whatever I evolve to.

I think I have indeed grown up a little bit. I think the beard and the glasses might have had a part in that - when you look more grown up, perhaps you act more grown up? Either way I’m going to say I like it. I don’t mind it. As long as it’s making me happier in the long run, I’m all for it.

What do you think?

Posted 1 year ago